Tonight was ugly. Jacob had what we call in our home, "a major meltdown." He was uber-tired and he didn't get what he wanted and it quickly escalated into hysteria and frustration. And here's the deal- this post is not about my child. This post is about me.
I "pride" myself on being a person who can figure things out. God has given me a moderate amount of intellegence and I supplement that with things I read or research. I keep trying things until I figure out what works best in a situation I am in or problem I have.
Current problem="I got nothin'." My son represents a problem that I do not have the resources, information or power to fix. Honestly, as I prayed, I realized that I think my pride is hurt. I cannot heal or repair my son's issues and that frustrates my pride. Don't misunderstand me- I hurt so much for Jacob and how he struggles. However, right now, the problem is ME. Scripture says that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Well, I don't think my mindset is humility folks.
The dictionary defines pride as a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc. The opposite of pride= humility.
Is God opposing me? So that I can see the error of my thinking? My faulty mindset that hard work and intellegence can fix that which is broken? Only God has the power to truly heal or repair broken people-where did my arrogance come from? I can see that my concept of who I am and who God is are skewed today. P.R.I.D.E. What an ugly word.
Wednesday, we have a woman from the school district coming to our house for a few hours to interview us and Jacob and watch us interact. Then she'll observe him at school and set up a plan for how to help us "train" Jacob at home. Basically, its parent training for Chris and I. Which we need. Admitting that is my baby step toward walking in humility with God.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Recap from Sunday...
Our sermon this morning at the Village was exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. Matt spoke on the difference between religion and the gospel. I have heard this before, maybe even from him, but it never fails to impact me. His scripture reference was Luke 11:37-12:11, when Jesus was speaking to the Pharisees, and they basically accused Jesus of being unrighteous because He didn't ceremonially clean Himself before eating. Jesus told them that they made a big deal about being clean on the outside but inside they were still dirty and pretending that they weren't. Isn't that just what we do? We want people to think that we are good and moral people because of how we act, but inside we are broken and we don't ever want anyone to know it- they might think less of us- and it's "all about us" isn't it?
Matt broke it down pretty clear when he talked about relativism and religion. Our our country used to promote universal lessons to moral dilemas that were true for everyone (like drinking under age is not ok) but now relativism rules the day and people can make choices for themselves and no one can make these decisions for them. Or people use their religion to make decisions for them. Religion says "I obey my god's rules and therefore he accepts me." Christianity, on the other hand, says "I am accepted by God because of Christ and therefore I obey my God out of thankfulness." Religion motivates out of fear and insecurity- if I dont obey god, he will be angry with me. The gospel motivates me because I want to know more of God.
A religious person inherently thinks of themselves as a good person, where their sense of value comes from how moral they are or how hard they work at being good. "I must be successful, otherwise people wont believe in my religion- my failures show my religion to be false- I must keep up appearances." A person whose life centers around the gospel knows that they are inherently a sinner, who can't "be good" on their own- they need Christ and His power. Knowing yourself to be a sinner results in not finding your value in your morality- my value isn't in me, but Jesus. "I'm broken but God loves me anyway, and my failures are because of my sinful nature, and not because my faith is flawed." Christians believe that everything we have- our faith, our salvation and our hope comes from God- I may fail, but God will not. There is such freedom in that . Romans 8:1 says "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus..." Ever since I heard that verse several years ago, it has resonated with me. I keep praying that I would truly, deep in my soul, believe it- because if I did, it would transform me. My religious past, my obsession with ME and what others think of me would fall away. I would understand that religion and sin destroy what I really want- a deep relationship with Christ and to share Him with everyone I meet.
Matt broke it down pretty clear when he talked about relativism and religion. Our our country used to promote universal lessons to moral dilemas that were true for everyone (like drinking under age is not ok) but now relativism rules the day and people can make choices for themselves and no one can make these decisions for them. Or people use their religion to make decisions for them. Religion says "I obey my god's rules and therefore he accepts me." Christianity, on the other hand, says "I am accepted by God because of Christ and therefore I obey my God out of thankfulness." Religion motivates out of fear and insecurity- if I dont obey god, he will be angry with me. The gospel motivates me because I want to know more of God.
A religious person inherently thinks of themselves as a good person, where their sense of value comes from how moral they are or how hard they work at being good. "I must be successful, otherwise people wont believe in my religion- my failures show my religion to be false- I must keep up appearances." A person whose life centers around the gospel knows that they are inherently a sinner, who can't "be good" on their own- they need Christ and His power. Knowing yourself to be a sinner results in not finding your value in your morality- my value isn't in me, but Jesus. "I'm broken but God loves me anyway, and my failures are because of my sinful nature, and not because my faith is flawed." Christians believe that everything we have- our faith, our salvation and our hope comes from God- I may fail, but God will not. There is such freedom in that . Romans 8:1 says "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus..." Ever since I heard that verse several years ago, it has resonated with me. I keep praying that I would truly, deep in my soul, believe it- because if I did, it would transform me. My religious past, my obsession with ME and what others think of me would fall away. I would understand that religion and sin destroy what I really want- a deep relationship with Christ and to share Him with everyone I meet.
Friday, May 23, 2008
9 days of the unknown...
Well.... I have been convinced by someone I know, that a cleansing would do me a world of good. So, the next 9 days will be very revealing, if you know what I mean. I am looking forward to this time of introspection. God has been pressing on me for oh, about a year, on my eating issues. I use food for comfort, for control and for distraction. Pretty much for everything that food wasnt meant for us. In other words... a substitute for the one thing that will really make things better and that will satisfy me... God. I am reading some great biblically based books about food issues. Love to Eat, Hate to Eat and Lose it for Life. One of our pastors did a two part series last year on gluttony and referenced these books. They are phenomenal. My journey with God is taking another turn, and I am praying that God will use this cleansing as a way to clear my mind and body in preparation for worshipping Him rather than worshipping food. If you dont have food sin issues, this probably makes NO sense to you at all. But if you do... then you feel my pain. Struggle well and struggle in the Spirit!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
once a month...
Once a month... I think that is all I can handle doing for this blog apparently. Life keeps coming at me faster and faster. It makes you appreciate the fact that God is sovereign and He knows what is coming even when I don't.
BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) will be ending in 3 weeks. Those 9th and 10th graders are something else- I have seen my future and I am afraid! They are either as silent as stones or non-stop talkers. My co-leader Sheree and I had dinner together last night and had a great time talking about our families and the students. She has been so great- I have always admired her transparency and sense of humor. We are finally starting to get things down and there are just 3 meetings left. I can really see the growth in me this past year- definitely NOT a fun year, but a growing one. Funny how you can look back and see transformation but not feel it. All year our theme has been, "Are you going to be the same person at the end of year that you were at the beginning. All the stuff you have learned from studying God's word isnt worth it if you havent applied it to your lives." I am looking forward to processing everything and evaluating myself- 3 more weeks!
BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) will be ending in 3 weeks. Those 9th and 10th graders are something else- I have seen my future and I am afraid! They are either as silent as stones or non-stop talkers. My co-leader Sheree and I had dinner together last night and had a great time talking about our families and the students. She has been so great- I have always admired her transparency and sense of humor. We are finally starting to get things down and there are just 3 meetings left. I can really see the growth in me this past year- definitely NOT a fun year, but a growing one. Funny how you can look back and see transformation but not feel it. All year our theme has been, "Are you going to be the same person at the end of year that you were at the beginning. All the stuff you have learned from studying God's word isnt worth it if you havent applied it to your lives." I am looking forward to processing everything and evaluating myself- 3 more weeks!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
